Throw my favoritest director coming off my favoritest movie into another exciting adventure about rape and drugs and mobsters and you have a recipe for success, in my book. Or do I mean blah? Wait. Yes. That’s it!
Eastern Promises. While coming no where close to the suck factor of History of Violence, this movie definitely had its moments where it was struggling to stoop to that depth. From Naomi Watts going off on tangents where she sounded like a six year old. To voicing over journal entries from a diary that no one has been taken the time to translate. To having Viggo Mortensen fight a bunch of thugs while naked in the bath house (which happened to be a completely lame and pathetic fight – And if making someone naked while fighting overwrites the fact that the fight is lame and pathetic, I missed that memo.). To shocking us all with the big reveal that Viggo Mortensen isn’t actually a thug but an undercover KGB agent (Wow. I’m surprised. What a shock. No. Really. I’m overwhelmingly overwhelmed. What an amazing twist. Never saw precisely that coming. Never in a million, billion years.). It was all just… Not good. Not overtly bad. Just... Blah.
Unless seeing some guy get his neck slit, or another getting his fingers cut off, or another getting stabbed in the eye is what you’re in for. If these types of events, when presented in unmotivated, lame fashions, are what optimize “Awesome!” to you, then this is definitely one to queue up.
~ M
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